Monday, April 22, 2013

Fatty Catty and the Kitty Butt Wipes

A few months back, hubby and I were grocery shopping in our favorite local store and in the pet aisle I spotted something that looked like a tub of, well there's just no easy way to say it so I'll blurt it out, butt wipes... you know the kind that are in the toilet tissue aisle and have something like "We all go, why not enjoy the go?" written on it.  Except these were "Petwipes," which "wipe away daily dirt and odor."  Oh puh-leeze!  I mean, the box didn't actually say "butt wipes" but we all know from which end the dirt and odor come. Cat and dog butt wipes.  Ha! We chuckled for a few moments, made some silly remarks and moved on with our shopping.

At this point in time I should briefly mention that Pixel, our younger cat, likes to eat.  A lot.  So much, in fact, that he's my little butterball, my tub o' lard, my flabby tabby, my fatty catty.  I know it's not nice to poke fun at him (some might call this bullying, but I never call him those names to his face!) but I just can't help but laugh at some of the things he does, the way he sits himself in a corner looking like a little feline Buddha.  I mean, how can you NOT laugh at that?  And laugh I did for a long time at my poor Pixel's expense.  

Now, before I look like the world's worst cat-mom, I would like a moment to defend myself by saying I'm well aware there is "nothing cute" about an overweight cat, and I am doing my level best to research cat diets (too bad they don't have kitty Weight Watchers, right?) and figure out what exactly is the best way for both Sassy and him to eat.  This is a more daunting task than what it seems, because everything I've believed to be nutritious and healthy for them over the course of both their lives turns out to be the exact WRONG diet for them to be eating!  Oh, the guilt I've wracked on myself as I'm learning what I've been doing wrong for nearly 20 years as a cat-mom.  One of the best (and only, by the way) sources I've had for this knowledge comes from a veterinarian-run website called, recommended by America's favorite cat daddy, Jackson Galaxy (of Animal Planet's My Cat From Hell TV show).  Anyway, to make a long story short, Pixel and Sassy, who have eaten kibble their whole lives are making a healthy and lower calorie transition to canned food, much to Pixel's delight and Sassy's great chagrin.

Continuing on with the story, now that the "bad cat-mom" image has been somewhat explained.  I was noticing my poor little buddy having a rough time with his, um, hygiene these days, being too rolly-polly to actually take care of this himself.  What kind of a cat-mom would I be to just let him walk around the house with a dirty keester?  Well, I wasn't going to find out!  So, we don't have the most cat-friendly toilet tissue apparently, because the Charmin Basic was just too... well, basic!  Not enough softness, and too dry for the... shall I say "Klingons."  

Suddenly, my memory is awakened by the, you guessed it (say it with me now) Kitty Butt Wipes!  So, as luck would have it, we just happened to be taking my mom to the grocery store today!  Pixel would no longer need to tolerate the harsh TP meant apparently for "humans only," or suffer the indignity of the dreaded "scootch" on the carpet (or for that matter, have me laugh at him while he's trying to fold himself into a chubby taco to take care of matters himself!)

So here I am tonight writing this entry, with the "prize" in hand... Petwipes... surprisingly nicely scented (anything's better than the alternative) and Pixel didn't seem to mind so much.   In fact, I think I might have seen a glimmer of relief in his green eyes.  He's now stretched out after enjoying his dinner, purring happily and is patiently waiting for "nigh-nights."  I might not even mind if I get the "raw end" of the cuddle tonight.  After all, it's "Freshly scented." 

See?  It even has aloe and vitamin e for "healthy skin and shiny coat!"  Photo-bomb by Sassy.

Until next time... Meow!

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